The End

Sorry, but i will not be writing anything here. It may be permanently or a long time, so i will understand if you guys want to stop following me.

The End.



Rac – Let Go

OMG! i like this song so much. Why have not i heard it until now? Oh yes, i forgot i stopped listening to music when my best friend deserted me, left me empty.

Kele’s voice sounds great here. If you do not know him, he is the singer of Bloc Party.

10 Years

It has been 10 years. 9 great years and one sad year, extremely sad year. Life is cruel. i am tired of the cruelty. i cannot think of a reason to continue.

How can someone pretend to be your friend for 9 years?

i wish i could forget everything from the past 10 years.

The pain is the same today as every day since i lost my best friend. i will never let another person get close to me. i will never trust anyone ever again. i rather die alone and heartless than to feel this pain.

Thank you.




Days Go By

The things in my heart and mind are things that drown my soul. i do not see a light at the end of the tunnel. i do not see the tunnel.

i should have known better than to let Tamas into my life. i usually keep people at a distance because i know the outcome to every story. i play them in my head like a record stuck in the groove and the song will never be over. It skips and skips.

i have learnt a lesson. Never let my guard down again. i will never completely trust another person.

i have one more month to go before school begins. i have not been successful at getting resident status in Colorado. Apparently Front Range Community College does not want to let people get resident status until they acquire a state I.D. card and wait one year. They pretend that you can prove it by showing other papers, but i have spoken to a few others and they have the same problem. In fact, they have worked here for years and paid rent, but did not drive, so they never got an I.D. Colorado might be unique in this manner of getting people to pay more money for college.

i found a place to live in Boulder. My boss has a house to rent, so i need one roommate. i also need a bed and other household items. My colleague gave me a fairly new electric glass top stove and another person i know gave me a freezer, which is also very nice. Maybe i could turn the freezer sideways and sleep in it.

My job at the Brewing Market is great. i am making all the quick breads and cookies for the six locations.

à bientôt.

#100daysangry Day 1

If i were to do 100 Days Angry, then this week would have been a great week to begin, especially today.

The world is crashing in around me. i cannot breathe here.

Tomorrow will begin my journey as a tramp until the first of the month. i will have to depend on the kindness of friends for sleeping arrangements.


It seems there is only chaos around me.

The good news is that i have a car that some friends lent me, but i cannot really afford gas for it. Ha! Ha! Life is laughing at me constantly. God, if you are there, then i surely do not see you helping me.

Tamas Karoly Pal, i am angry at you. You killed me.

Day 100

Finally, yesterday was Day 100 and i was not happy all day. It was a day of sucking. i cannot think of a better way to say it.

i stopped writing when my best friend stopped being my best friend. Everything stopped. Time stopped, but it did not stop for anyone else, except for me. Life stopped. i am not me anymore and i will never be me again. i do not care what anyone says about it getting better. If you think this is true for me, then you do not know me.

i am angry that my best friend ended our friendship without giving me a chance to talk to him about it. i am angry that i came to the U.S. i am angry that i am still alive. i am angry.

Day 97


i saw two films to alleviate my sadness, but the first film, Maleficent, made me sadder. It is about the wicked fairy who put a spell on Princess Aurora, but she was not really wicked. She was hurt.

The best line in the film really spoke to me.  “I never dreamed that I could love you so much. You stole what was left of my heart. And now I’ve lost you forever.” My best friend did exactly this to me.

If you have not seen Maleficent, then i recommend it. Angelina Jolie is incredible.

i also watched 22 Jump Street, which was really good and they made fun of doing some things exactly like the first film.