I am in Germany visiting friends and going through my things that have been stored here since i left Hungary. It has not been an easy time because i have to get rid of many things that are precious to me. It is not my decision, but one that has been forced upon me.

i have many old journals, in which i write my life events, thoughts, dreams and things that come from my imagination, but unfortunately i cannot carry it all back to the U.S. and i cannot ship all of it because i lack the funds.

In my things are a some of my favourite books, a stamp collection from my mother, clothes and other items that i have collected in the past 15 to 20 years of living in the world. Why 20 years? Before that all things were lost, due to a fire in the home and theft from former flatmates, so i have nothing remaining from my childhood.

People are adamant about me throwing it away; they think i cling to the past, but i disagree. i have resolved most things from the past, although as we all have, i too have some things that follow me and perhaps will until i die. It is a continual process and i am trying to press forward to the future.

But at this time in my life, i am not so happy about leaving my old friends, my things, because they cannot hurt me and make me feel alone. In fact, those things keep me a little more grounded in this life. i am constantly moving and sometimes i feel as though i will leave and no one will notice that i was even here.

i know i cannot take these things with me when i die, but while i am here, while i am breathing, i wish to keep them near me. These things are mine and i do not have much to call mine.

Does anyone understand me? Or i am really alone in this world, alone as i feel at this time?

Luckily, time does continually move forward, as will my feelings.

more to come…


3 thoughts on “Things

  1. There are people that understand, I wouldn’t have a hope chest if I didn’t. Maybe that is why they call it what they do. A special stuffed animal from when you were a child, to a dried flower from your wedding, to baby teeth from your children. It is all little bits and pieces of your life that hold a special meaning. Might not be important to others, but that’s okay. Like you said you can’t take it with you, so enjoy it while you have it! Life goes by too quickly not too! 🙂

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