Day 96

i found out that i have good credit, at least to buy a new Macbook. My old computer is slowly dying. i will be heading to school in August and i thought it was a necessity.

i miss my best friend on days like today. i miss having meaningful conversations. i miss talking to you.


Day 95

Has anyone else noticed that WordPress has changed? i hate it.
Yesterday i watched France vs. Germany for the semifinals in the World Cup and unfortunately Germany won.
After the match i went with two friends to the mountains to Lake Isabella. We hiked up for two miles. It really wiped me out. i could not breathe. i have not done that strenuous of exercise since my surgery. It was a very beautiful place. i could not believe there was snow on the mountain, a lot of snow.

Funny thing happened on the mountain, somebody stole my coffee cup or thermos. i sat it down so i could jump the water and when i returned it was gone. i asked a couple people on the way down, but not one person saw it.

Another thing happened to me on the mountain, but it was not funny. i got stuck in the snow. i could not get out. It was like quicksand.

i bought a watermelon at King Soopers on Hover Road and the guy that helped did a great job of picking a sweet melon. Thank you. Job well done!

Every day i think of you my best friend. i miss you. You ruined me.

Day 91

After work i went to Lafayette, where i watched the football match with a friend and i had a great beer from the Front Range Brewing Company. They make the best beer, Rum Runner Coffee Quad. It is so delicious.

The football match was exciting.

After it, we went to a hike in the mountains. We were around Meyers Gulch. i remembered because i quoted Auntie Em, “Almira Gulch, just because you own half the county doesn’t mean that you have the power to run the rest of us. For twenty-three years, I’ve been dying to tell you what I thought of you! And now… well, being a Christian woman, I can’t say it!”

i was really good at climbing the rocks, even the high ones and steep ones. It was a really happy time.


i saw a baby doe

Day 90

On Sundays, the local cinema has a discount on all the films.

First film was The Fault In Our Stars. It was an i-am-dying-from-cancer-but wait-so-are-you-yet-we-will-fall-in-love-before-we-die kind of film. It was actually good.

The second film was Edge of Tomorrow. It is the latest Tom Cruise sci-fi film. i love sci-fi. It was really good too, but i made an error and sat in the second to last row. The last row had bad seats, all of them were too low. A strange couple sat behind me and sometimes they whispered too loudly.

i almost forgot in the first film a girl sat in front of me and she was actually texting while watching the film. i was so close to throwing my popcorn at her. i imagined her turning around and asking me if i was crazy and then i would have said, “Yes, so keep texting.” And then i would give her the evil eye. Perhaps i will do it next time, so be warned.

Day 87


Yesterday was very tiring, but mostly from my thoughts. They attacked me in my sleep, as i woke up and then throughout the day. i remembered the long journey that it took to get me to this day.

i remember first applying from Europe, my best friend telling me it is what i should do, leaving Hungary on a plane, wondering if the plane would crash into the ocean and then a shark would eventually eat me, arriving to Denver, starting school, watching strange girls fight in my class, losing my best friend ever, going to school in a daze, being sad, wishing i could die, going to the hospital for an emergency surgery, waking up and wishing i had not, Nick and Rosemary trying to feed me, spending a lot of time alone, staying at The Batchelor’s house, starting school again with a new group, going to a farm where bees sting, getting to know my new classmates better, starting to like some and not caring about others, taking a final test, starting a new job at Brewing Market Coffee as the pastry chef and preparing macarons for the culmination meal yesterday. Whew!

It is funny that i ended up making macarons at the end because i started with them and it was one of the reasons i went to Auguste Escoffier School of Culinary Arts.

Thank you to all the people who helped me complete this school, although technically i will not graduate until i finish the externship.

Thank you to Pal, Tamas Karoly, my best friend ever, who believed in me and yet he disappeared without a warning.

Tim and Carol, for flying me here.

Bodi, the great Bodi and Mark K, the fashion model, both for financial help.

Two anonymous donors, for financial help too.

And all the supportive words from all my real friends over the past year.

And to Nick and Rosemary, for inviting me to live with you in your home and for taking care of me, even when i did not care and for not completely giving up on me. i love you both.

A few photos of the day:

Day 86

i survived the second to last day of pastry school at Auguste Escoffier School of Culinary Arts. It was a hell of a day. We had to make three kinds of macarons for tomorrow.

The bacon maple macaron looks nice and taste good.

The cassis macaron does not have cassis in it because the school messed it up. We ordered it a week before and it never arrived to our kitchen. i asked for it each day. i even ran to a corner shop to find a bottle of creme de cassis and the lady told me, “No, not here. Find big shop.” i was so angry at the school because this is not the first time they screwed up. We will have blueberry macarons.

The third one was pistachio, which should be the easiest, but was the most difficult. We did not have enough pistachio paste and we did not have any pistachio flour, so we had to make it. The cookies looked a little flat in the pied part it and the buttercream took about three attempts to get it right or close enough.

My partner, my poor partner had to endure my bumbling errors. She was patient during the process, but i bet she wished she had not helped me with these frustrating little cookies. Now i understand why most classes do not make them for their bake sales.

Day 85

Only 2 days of school left. It is all coming to an end. i am ready for it all to end because i am very tired. Life is not the same for me. i hate it more than ever. i miss my best friend every day.

Today i was happy that the day ended without any pastry students killing each other and the other male in the class gave me a pin that the group received for not missing a day for one week. My group never achieved the pin because at least one person missed a day each week. The pin is a sword, well actually a knife, but i can pretend.

i also helped my classmates make cupcakes and chocolate pralines and truffles. i love chocolate. Every time we use chocolate someone says, “Ocean you have chocolate all over your face.”

And another nice thing i heard today was, “Ocean i am going to miss you.” i make some people laugh in school.

Throwback Tuesday

This song reminds me of a small village in Hungary, but also of my home in Debrecen. Zanzibar is from Debrecen and this song, Szólj már, is my favourite.

Mint régi filmeken a hajnali táj
Egyszerre szép, és egyszerre fáj
Az a pillanat, ha eljön az érzés
Hogy elköszönni muszáj

Day 84

Yesterday our class begin preparing some of the items for our final meal, our last supper, but with pastries. It was a long day. People are tired and ready for it to be over.

i had to suffer through misspelt words and people who do not care about it.


i hope

i am not sure if i posted this, but it feels like me now. It is sort of new. If you do not know of Rebecca Ferguson, then you should.

Pal Tamas, this is for you. i miss you every day.

Right now I have taken all that I am
And I forgive you, and I forgive you
For all that you are

I hope that life is good
In a way you haven’t been good
I hope that she is kind,
Even though you haven’t been kind.